anxiety · poetry · prose

Take it in turns

Thursday, January 3, 2019. Daily Brit Wit.

Take it in turns: 

Phrase, British 

Compare with American phrase take turns. (Of two or more people) do something alternately or in succession.

“Depression lingers in my eyes
eclipsing summer green to winter grey
bokeh sitting at the edge of my vision,
takes my mind hostage and
nothing is up for ransom,
sluggish pacing
and snuggling in blankets:
I don’t feel like doing much today.
Let me hide beneath my quilt
and gather my fortitude alone.

It doesn’t find me often these days
but occasionally it’ll sneak up behind me
lingering like a curious onlooker
cloak me in heavy darkness,
like no matter how hard
I crank it left
I’m always collecting cool water
in cupped hands, watching it overflow.

I’m a worthless wordsmith
describing depression–
because all I can honestly say
is it’s a familiar friend I know innately.

Anxiety simmers in my bloodstreams
as electricity lies dormant
storms no longer on the horizon
frenetic energy crippling and debilitating–
cocooning my pulse points
like a too tight bracelet
keeping everything balled up tight
waiting and waiting and waiting to explode–
sensory overload the worst on my nerves
culminating until even the loss of soft music
chips at my soul.

I have no desire
to talk about my anxiety so bluntly;
it ties me up in
bubbling knots
and I’d rather be its hostage
than watch it tangle further.

A game they play
doubling up on me
blackening my thoughts
and suffocating my tenacity–
they take it in turns
disheveling my world
only to spit me out on the other side
breathless.”

 

© The Loyal Brit Wit, 2019

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