Fiction · Flash Fiction · How to be British · Language


Monday, July 31, 2017. Daily Brit Wit.



BRITISH for program.

“An exaggerated sigh whooshes passed her lips the moment her feet cross over threshold of her quaint bedsit. With more force than strictly necessary, she slams the front door and sags against it. A few curses follow up her exhalation, but the gist of it is summed up as follows:

‘Happy bleeding Friday to me,’ she groans, massaging out a tender muscle in her left shoulder before shoving off the door (but not before locking it).

Her purse nosedives to meet the worn-out carpet with a heavy thud. She shucks her heels, kicking them in whichever direction they land and shimmies out of her suit jacket.

She makes an appropriate party-esque hooting noise as she pit stops in the kitchenette, scrounging for wine and would even settle for beer. Perhaps even something less fruity and alcoholic, but requires it to be a tad stronger than water. Fresh out of the good stuff and too lazy to venture back out-of-doors, the woman shrugs and pulls out lemonade. She sets the pitcher on the counter and starts stripping until she’s starkers, strutting round her own home without a care in the world.

And she totally flings her bra across the room, muttering “good riddance” under her breath.

She slips into loose-fitted workout pants and two and a half times too big tee shirt (used for such occasions as well as when she’s peaky). Then she’s ambling out of her “bedroom” area toward the cramped sitting portion. She’s fidgeting around in her secondhand love seat when her phone bleats.

‘No,’ she whinges plaintively. She swipes the electronic and opens the text message. ‘Of course I don’t wanna go out!’ She snorts upon reading. ‘I’m down for the rest of the evening. Can’t anyone take a bloody hint?’

Her favourite telly programme is on in five minutes and her bra’s off: are her friends seriously inquiring if she’s interested in coming out? Does it look like she’s going anywhere? No it doesn’t, ta very much.

But how does she phrase that politely enough to still have friends come morning?”


10 thoughts on “Programme

  1. Woah, you’ve got skills of the “see, that’s why I need a BA in creative writing” type. Not that I think education is everything, but it sure doesn’t hurt. It would be impossible for me to get one right now, but I’m starting a certificate in creative writing this fall. This short story has made me all the more excited about it. ^_^

    I love how in 345 words, mostly by showing actions, you’ve created a picture in my mind of both your character and your setting. I imagine her as a “dried fish woman”, like in the drama Hotaru no Hikari, clutter lying all over and around her mismatched furniture… Already, I feel somewhat attached to her.

    I love the word choice and formulations, too. Very pleasant to read.

    Keep up the good work!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahh, thank you SO very much for this lovely comment!! ❀️ You know what? I think there’s a pros and cons for having a BA in creative writing. I certainly don’t think it makes or breaks a person; I’m more of the belief a person either has the ability or not. Now, I do think all people can write; it’s just a matter of dedication. My BA seems to be more noticeable (to me, at the very least) because of my use of punctuation. Some days I just have to roll with it, though haha. I will say the education portion helped me tremendously in regards to being precise and making my words counts. (Well, some of the time, at least!) 😁 I’m sure you’ll have a blast getting your certificate!!!! Enjoy it!

      I couldn’t have asked for higher praise for someone to feel attached to a character I wrote and depicted in less than 500 words. 😌 Truly. I feel it’s a difficult rope to walk because it’s not a well known character the world over knows and adores, but mostly without overwhelming the reader with too much (or too little) information. Of course, not all of them are the same; but if you’d like some others, I’ll always give suggestions you may like based on this reading (of various lengths). No pressure though!

      Thank you and cheers! πŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😁☺️

        Well, my personal fave (if you don’t include series) may be A4. It’s longer-ish. It’s actually the reason I started the blog. I sent these to a friend for fun and she kept telling me “you NEED to share these.” But after writing A4, I was like “okay, yeah, you’re probably right.” πŸ˜… Another nice longer one (at least based on feedback) is Aubergine. If you liked this one, give Row, Vest, and Lorry a look. (If shorter lengths are more your style, the majority of my beginning mini stories are shooooort. Heh.) I don’t want to overwhelm, but based on your liking of programme, these handful should help you get more of a feel of my writings. But that’s just me. Read what you like! πŸ˜…πŸ˜ƒ

        Liked by 1 person

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