bad mood · How to be British · Language · School and professors

Agony uncle 

Saturday, May 20, 2017. Daily Brit Wit. 

Agony uncle

Noun, informal 

A man who answers letters in an agony column. 

“The professor paces the front length of the lecture hall, torn between bemusement and exasperation. Still undecided on his predominant emotion, a smirk plays on his chapped lips. On his return circuit toward his lectern, the professor side eyes his squirming students. Finally, he sighs and halts his pacing. 

‘Anyone?’ He prompts benevolently, sarcastically. ‘I’m here for your benefit.’ The professor states, gaze searching out students who are bored by redundancy (the usual handful who are always prepared). His patience tried to prompt even one of them to speak, to kick-start his lesson. ‘Am I to act as your agony uncle, today, hmm?’ 

A female student toward the middle front exhales in frustration similar to the professor’s and doesn’t bother raising her hand. ‘Our thesis papers are due next Thursday.’ She declares. 

The professor dramatically waves his arms at the student bow-like, genuinely smiling at her briefly, before scowling out at the crowd. ‘What ought our questions be for such an important due date?’ He pauses for a couple beats before another student answers. Finally, he may allow the routine to begin.” 

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